Pathetic
by Master's Pet
Summary: Oneshot. This is some of my ideas on what Lucy could have been thinking in the year that never was. Rated T to be safe. The ending was written before the episode where the Master is brought back to life.


Pathetic 

My take on Lucy's thoughts from when they arrive on the valiant until she kills the Master.

I looked out the window. The sight of a wounded sky met my eyes and the infection pouring out of the sky came in the shape of silver spheres.

I hated it, all of it. I hated what the Master was doing. Destroying my people and taking over my world. I smirked bitterly to myself. I had been lost the moment I met him, the Master.

He was my world. He was an alien that had fascinated me since the very beginning. Oh yes, he tried to control me the moment he met me but for some reason he never could. He was so full of rage and I was enthralled. He took me to see the end of the universe. He kept saying he loved me but I knew it wasn't true. The only thing he loved was power. But I couldn't keep away because I knew the sad truth. I loved him. I love him despite his lies and manipulations. I loved the way his eyes would sparkle when he was doing something that pleased him. I loved him because when he looked at me I could pretend that he really loved me. I don't really know why he kept me around in the first place. He didn't particularly need me. So imagine my shock when he told me to marry him. How could I refuse?

I move away from the window tears in my eyes and look over to the now imprisoned Doctor. He was looking at me. He had a confused expression on his face.

"What?" I snapped feeling vulnerable.

"Why are you with him?" his voice was soft. I looked away.

"I don't know" I whispered. I glanced at the Master and was startled to see him looking straight back at me. The look on his face wasn't the joyous one he had on five minutes ago. He had a frown on his face and he was still looking at me and the doctor. I frowned back and walked toward him. His eyes trailed me the whole time.

"What's the matter love?" I said once I was next to him. He regarded me a second and then smiled.

"Dance with me" he said while holding his hand out for me to take. I was once again startled by his rapid change of mood. But I smiled back at him and took his hand. As we twirled to the music blaring from the speakers I realized that I hated him. I hated him for not loving me when he said it. I hated that I loved him anyway despite the fact that he was killing my people and lying to me.

They had something planned. I knew that Martha's Family and Jack were acting differently. I don't know how the Master didn't notice it. I saw the little hand signals and nods. I think they knew that I had seen them because the doctor was looking at me again. He had taken to observing me when I was in the room. The Master was away looking for Martha and her supposed weapon. It was just me and him. He broke the silence.

"Why are you with him?" He asked. That question haunted me since he had asked it almost a year ago. And I think I finally had an answer.

"Do you really want to know?" at his hesitant nod I lost it. I laughed hysterically until I was sobbing.

"You want to know why I am with him? Well Doctor, I love him! It's pathetic but when his eyes sparkle and he looks at me I can almost believe that he loves me back and that he isn't just using me. But you know what, he doesn't love anything but power and he is using me. I know it. He knows I know it. But I can't stay away." I laughed again and looks at me sadly.

"It's probably the hypnotism" he said slowly. I frowned and looked him dead in the eye.

"It's not. Don't get me wrong he tried to when we first met but it didn't work for some reason. He told me that, you know. That he was trying to control me. No it's really me here that loves a sadistic maniac and can't get enough of him." He just stared at me while I ranted. I didn't care that this probably shocked him. I wanted say it out loud and make my feelings real.

"I hate him too. I hate that doesn't love me back and I hate myself for loving him in the first place. I hate that I can't stay away!" I looked desperately at the Doctor.

"Do you know what it's like to want someone to be happy no matter the damage to others? I do. I want to see his eyes sparkle and his huge grin. I want him to dance around in joy even if it means that half the earth has to die for it to happen. I want him to dance with me and tell me he loves me, even though he doesn't mean it. I know that I will do whatever it takes to make him happy because I am hopelessly in love with him. I'm sorry that you and everyone else has to suffer to make this happen. But I won't stop it." I turned and walked out of the room to find if the Master was back yet, leaving the Doctor alone.

This was it he was cornered like an animal.

I had to admit that the Doctor's plan was brilliant. I looked through impassive eyes at the man that had made me a hollow shell. I looked at him and was surprised that I didn't feel anything. No love, no fear, nothing. I was finally free of my own emotions. I briefly considered killing him. There was a gun on the table. But no, it wasn't his fault that I had been so pathetic. It was his fault for using me but why wouldn't he? I was so willing to do what he said, he didn't even need to do anything to keep me in place.

He was looking at me now, his eyes pleading for me to do something to help him escape. But his eyes didn't affect me anymore or his grin. I just blinked and tilted my head while I looked at him. I then realized that I wanted him to know what he did to me, how he took me away bit by bit until there was nothing. I wanted him to hurt and feel what I felt all that time that I was with him. I wanted him to care and suddenly realize what he had lost in me. I picked up the gun and aimed it at him and watched as his eyes widen. I shoot and the bullet hits him in the chest. I watch him as he falls into the doctor's arms and finally feel the sorrow of what I've just done. I hate myself and him and now we will die together. I wait until I know that he is dead and I'm sorry for the Doctor's tears. I move into the hall and put the gun to my head. This was it. I was going to die. I was going to die because I let my people get killed while I watched. I was going to die because I couldn't live without him and I didn't want to. I pulled the trigger and knew nothing but the cold endless darkness. I was truly pathetic.


End file.
